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The current period signifies a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks suggesting a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {